The 32 Dumbest Things That Real-Life Managers Said

by Geoffrey James, September 9. 2011 (excerpt)

Here’s a list of real-life remarks that real-life bosses said in real-life business situations.

  1. “Am I the only one around here with half a brain?!”
  2. “I know my plan won’t work, but don’t disagree with me in front of others.”
  3. “I only say those things to look tough. I’m reshaping my image for advancement.”
  4. “I tried to email you to tell you that my email wasn’t working, but my email wasn’t working.”
  5. “If you are on schedule, then your plan was not aggressive enough. If you are behind schedule, you must be goofing off.”
  6. “You don’t want a union! I know I don’t pay you much per hour, but I give you lots of hours.  If you want more money, just work more hours! A union will take that flexibility from you.”
  7. “I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my final decision.”
  8. “We’ve experienced dramatic increases in our long distance bills. In the future, please exercise restraint concerning long distance phone calls, faxes and emails.”
  9. “I’ve noticed that our ‘cost of goods sold’ rise whenever we experience greater sales. What can we do to reverse this trend?”
  10. “What this department lacks is leadership.”
  11. “Don’t worry, give it a try. You have nothing to fear but failure, demotion and termination.”
  12. “I’m getting a new company car next week. Please call the dealer and ask him to delay delivery until after Wednesday’s layoffs. I want to appear sensitive.”
  13. “Your report shows that 65% of our customers live outside the United States. Well, where are the rest of our customers? Pay attention to these details in the future.”
  14. “This marketing campaign will have a worldwide focus.”
  15. “Bonuses in my department are rewarded to team players who have demonstrated an appreciation for my leadership.”
  16. “I don’t want to force this decision on you. It would be much easier if you just agree.”
  17. “I’ve already made up my mind, but I am eager to hear everything you have to say on the matter.”
  18. “Next time, if you leave me an important voice mail message, do the right thing, call me and let know it’s there.”
  19. “Fairness is applied evenly, according to my rules.”
  20. “I know there is a communication problem in my department. I just don’t want to talk about it.”
  21. “We have too many unproductive meetings. Please put aside next Wednesday to attend an all-employee staff meeting to discuss this issue.”
  22. “I know what the research report says, but I have to go with my gut on this one.”
  23. “I don’t like to micro-manage, but I need to know everything that’s going on.”
  24. “Okay you bunch of cry babies, what’s this I hear about bad employer-employee relations?”
  25. “I know that am a great leader. This department, however, needs help learning to follow.”
  26. “Just because you’re right more often than me, doesn’t mean you’ll be a better manager.”
  27. “We do things democratically in my department … and I’m the ruler.”
  28. “Whenever you have an idea discuss it with me first, and if I feel it is a good idea, I’ll tell the others.  You must learn to let me get credit for your good ideas. That’s what team work is all about.”
  29. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be the shining star in this department.”
  30. “I think you prefer your idea JUST because it’s better than mine.”
  31. “It has come to my attention that your salary is well below the industry average. Therefore, I’m changing your title.”
  32. “I threw your suggestions away. Only managers can make suggestions.”
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About Boyd & Nicholas
Boyd & Nicholas — THE COST REPORT PEOPLE® The nation’s leading cost report preparation firm, Tom Boyd and Tom Nicholas are THE COST REPORT PEOPLE®. Specializing in home health and hospice, Boyd & Nicholas have earned an impeccable reputation for service, expertise and integrity delivered with professionalism and personality. At a time when cost reports are defining the very future of home health Medicare reimbursement, trust THE COST REPORT PEOPLE® with your submission and experience the difference! (877) 424-6527. www.boydandnicholas.com

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