Gone Too Soon

https://youtu.be/GCyqhi55O-8

 

“Gone Too Soon”

Today could have been the day,
That you blow out your candles,
Make a wish as you close your eyes.

Today could have been the day,
Everybody was laughing,
Instead I just sit here and cry,

Who would you be?
What would you look like,
When you looked at me for the very first time?
Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by,
That I don’t think of you,
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a ray of light we never knew,
Gone too soon, yeah.

Would you have been president
Or a painter, an author, or sing like your mother?
One thing is evident,
Would’ve given all I had,
Would’ve loved you like no other.

Who would you be,
What would you look like,
Would you have my smile and her eyes?
Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by,
That I don’t think of you,
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a ray of light we never knew,
Gone too soon, yeah.

Not a day goes by,
Oh
I’m always asking why.

Not a day goes by,
That I don’t think of you,
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose,
Such a beautiful light we never knew,
Gone too soon,
You were gone too soon
Yeah.

Not a day goes by,
That I don’t think of you.

Lorelei Lea 02/05/2008 – 9/27/2008

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Love is my Religion

https://youtu.be/-8oAGvFxevw

Love is My Religion

Love is my religion,
Love is my religion,
Love is my religion
I’ll take you to the temple tonight

All my days I’ve been searching,
To find out what this life is worth
Through the books and bibles of time
I’ve made up my mind
I don’t condemn, I don’t convert,
This is a calling have you heard
Bring all the lovers to the fold,
‘Cause no one is gonna lose their soul

Love is my religion,
Love is my religion,
Love is my religion
Hey you can take it or leave it,
And you don’t have to believe it

I don’t want to fight,
Hey let’s go fly a kite
There’s nothing that we can’t cure,
And I’ll keep you in my arms for sure
So don’t let nobody stop us,
Free spirits have to soar
With you I share the gift,
The gift that we now know oh oh oh

Love is my religion,
Love is my religion,
Love…

Love is my religion,
Love is my religion,
Love is my religion
Hey you can take it or leave it,
And you don’t have to believe it

Well I’m done searching now,
I found out what this life is worth
Not in the books that I find,
But by searching my mind
I don’t condemn, I don’t convert
This is the calling have you heard,
Bring all the lovers to the fold
No one is gonna lose their soul

Love is my religion,
Love is my religion,
Love is my religion
Hey you can take it or leave it,
And you don’t have to believe it

Love is my religion,
Love is my religion,
Love is my religion
Hey you can take it or leave it,
Now that you believe

Songwriter: Ziggy Marley

Dedicated to my Son Aaron Michael and his lovely wife Jeri Lynn on their 19^th Wedding Anniversary.

Love Should not be Silent

In 1979 I took two classes thru a junior college in downtown Oakland, California.  The classes were “Creative Divorce” and “Living Divorced” based on the book by Mel Krantzler.  In the first class I met the best man at my future wedding, Patricia Speka, and the instructor who would perform my wedding in 1985 and that of my son, Colin in 2012, Rog Carrington.  In the second class which started on September 12, 1979 I met Nancy Lynn Larsen (Burnham).

Later that year I began dating Nancy, December 14, 1979,  and we became public as a couple by having lunch at work on Good Friday April 4 1980. We both worked at Blue Cross and while in different departments we did not really care to have our co-workers at Blue Cross know we were dating.

On March 24, 1980 Nancy told me that she loved me. I was speechless and could barely respond with “that’s nice, thank you”.  Despite being 31 years of age I had only heard those words from my Mother and my ex-wife.  Both, in different ways, had abused me with their actions because I had said “love” to them.  I felt love for Nancy, but, like an abused puppy, was fearful of expressing it and having it used against me.  Nancy’s comment and my torment, anxiety, fears lead me to seek weekly counseling from a licensed MFCC.

On August 5, 1980 I told Nancy that I loved her.  I don’t give all the credit to the intervening four months of counseling but to being slightly drunk from the party we were attending.  Wine can be a good therapy tool.  Nancy would tell me that the period of time between our mutual sayings of love was hard on her but that she felt that I loved her and I treated her as if I did.  She was patient and not pushing for affirmation in the meantime.

I don’t recall ever having told my Father or Brother that I loved them or ever hearing that from either and do recall trying to avoid saying that to my Mother.  I regret all of that.  I am very happy that I said it to Nancy and will say it again.  I love you Nancy Lynn!

Love should not be silent!

My 18th Birthday

My 18^th birthday

I spent my 18^th birthday (September 8^th) in army basic training. In the 6^th week of basic training every recruit threw a live grenade and this day in 1966 was my turn to do so.

The procedure was that the recruit would squat in a shallow hole on a concert pallet and facing him would be his grenade buddy–the drill instructor. The step by step process would end with the two standing up, waiting three seconds (I didn’t wait) and the recruit tossing the grenade over a four foot concert wall and both ducking down. In the event the grenade was dropped or did not get over the wall the procedure was to kick or toss the grenade under the pallet where there was a hole for that purpose. Some yards back behind us there was a shielded platform where the officers and others could safety observe the actions.

This presented two problems (1) in practice with a weighted dummy grenade I could barely get it to go a few yards and (2) I am left handed and left handled soldiers hold the grenade in their left hand and held upside down with pin to be pulled from the bottom rather than the top. This was a scary combination to the drill instructors and perhaps to the recruit. We had heard tales of mishaps in previous training companies.

The company master (Top) sergeant, already a Vietnam veteran, and an old man in his mid-30s elected to be my grenade buddy. As he had a choice he clearly was a leader as he could have passed the assignment to another drill instructor. (They may have felt they had cause to fear me with a live grenade and none of them had been to Vietnam yet).

As we waiting our turn for the toss and going thru the steps I realized that the Top was nervous if not afraid and rightly so as we can all understand. It was the first time I had observed that behavior and it puzzled me given the “safe” training conditions and his combat experience. It also was a blessing to me as it calmed me down and made me realize for the first time in my life that I was not the only nervous or scared person. My toss went over the wall and I heard from others it did not go very far.

Basic training was hell (Degrees of Hell, blog 4/15/14 https://boydandnicholas.wordpress.com/2014/04/15/degrees-of-hell/ ) and was the preclude to Vietnam (My War Days, blog 7/29/14, https://boydandnicholas.wordpress.com/2014/07/29/my-war-days/)

I did not ever again toss a live grenade for which I and my fellow soldiers were forever grateful.

Try Everything

“Try Everything”

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I messed up tonight, I lost another fight
I still mess up but I’ll just start again
I keep falling down, I keep on hitting the ground
I always get up now to see what’s next

Birds don’t just fly, they fall down and get up
Nobody learns without getting it wrong

I won’t give up, no I won’t give in
‘Til I reach the end and then I’ll start again
No I won’t leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I won’t give up, no I won’t give in
‘Til I reach the end and then I’ll start again
No, I won’t leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Look how far you’ve come, you filled your heart with love
Baby you’ve done enough, take a deep breath
Don’t beat yourself up, don’t need to run so fast
Sometimes we come last, but we did our best

I won’t give up, no I won’t give in
‘Til I reach the end and then I’ll start again
No I won’t leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I won’t give up, no I won’t give in
‘Til I reach the end and then I’ll start again
No I won’t leave, I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail

I’ll keep on making those new mistakes
I’ll keep on making them every day
Those new mistakes

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Try everything
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Try everything

 

Don’t Worry ‘Bout A Thing’

Ever been misunderstood, misused, or misled
Ever knocked on the sky
and had it fall on your head
well, don’t worry ’bout it, don’t worry
Ever lost your luggage, your marbles,
your house
Or found yourself in bed with Uncle Sam or Mickey Mouse
Ever been accused of murder on Music Row
Or caught in morning traffic when you
really gotta go – Oh no!
Life is funny, life’s a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don’t worry ’bout a thing, don’t worry ’bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don’t worry ’bout a thing

Ever sat yourself down when the
seat is all wet
Or see your “ex” sucking face with
a little brunette
Don’t worry ’bout it, no don’t worry
Ever lost your religion, ever lost your
best friend
Or found your last record in the bargain bin
Or been stuck in a divorce like crazy glue
Or scraped someone else’s gum off the
bottom of your shoe – Boo hoo!
Don’t worry, don’t worry

We all got a little junk in the trunk
And when you’re feelin’ good as sunk
Remember, everything will be just fine
If I laugh at yours then you’ll laugh at mine

Don’t worry, don’t worry

Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don’t worry ’bout a thing

I Wish you Enough

At an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane’s departure and standing near the door, he said to his daughter, “I love you, I wish you enough.”

She said, “Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy.” They kissed good-bye and she left.

He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?” “Yes, I have,” I replied.

Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.

“Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?” I asked.

“I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral, ” he said.

“When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough.’ May I ask what that means?”

He began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more.

“When we said ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them,” he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Good-bye.”

He then began to sob and walked away.

By Brighteyes  [ Original story by Bob Perks, in Chicken Soup For the Grieving Soul ]